Tuesday, August 31, 2010

15,000 hits? seriously?

So, while checking my blog this morning…as I do every morning…every single day…I noticed I my counter was just over 15,000 hits.

Holy mackerel.

So, I decided to re-read all of the touching comments left in the past 7 months by you, my fantastic readers! I feel badly because I can’t personally respond to each and every one, but rest assured that I check for them, every day. And the support has made a huge difference in my recovery. No question.

So, I just wanted to put up a quick post to thank you all for your support! Thank you for taking time out of your day to read my blog, leaving your comments, and for passing the link on to your friends and family. You guys rock!


(Also, if anyone links my blog to theirs...PLEASE comment to let me know, so I can do the same for you!)

Monday, August 30, 2010

Magic pins...

Clothing is starting to really irritate me.

I mean…I absolutely LOVE shopping and buying new clothes. But it is starting to really bug me that I grow out of the stuff I buy so quickly….usually about 3-4 weeks. Thank god I wear scrubs to work or I would be legitimately insane by now.

It has gotten to the point that it really doesn't matter too much to me what I wear...except for one thing. About a year ago, I had to buy a bridesmaid’s dress for my sister’s wedding. (which is currently 2 weeks from now!) I had just started the process of getting approved for my surgery when we had to buy them and I didn’t know what size I would be. So I guessed. And since the dress was on sale, I knew I couldn’t buy another one. So I bought not one, but two dresses…just to be sure.

I figured if I wasn’t approved for surgery, I would still drop a few pounds on my own and drop at least one size. So I bought one dress in a size 22. I then figured if I did have surgery, I would lose at least 50 pounds, so I bought another one in size 18.

Right now I am a size 12. Shit.

I’ve looked on the website, called the store, and even checked e-bay to see if I could find a correct sized dress…no luck. So I figured I needed to find a seamstress…an EXCELLENT seamstress. Fast.

Well, god bless faceboook! I throw out a desperate cry for help and I am blessed to be connected with Mary Reese…seamstress extraordinaire. When I called her to make an appointment at "Hilary's Bridal" in Plymouth, MA, where she works, I was so nervous and most likely talking a mile a minute. When I finally stop babbling about my post surgery dress-size-woes, there was a brief moment of silence. I held my breath and she said to me words that almost brought tears to my eyes.

“Don’t worry. I have magic pins.”


I had my fitting a few days ago and pick up my finished dress next week. Mary was just the sweetest thing ever and skilled to boot! Before I knew it, she had me pinned up tight and the dress fit perfectly. And beyond that, it looks utterly fantastic.

I friggin’ love magic pins.

So here I am with Mary, magic pins and all. I can hardly wait to see the finished dress! And I can’t thank her enough for hooking me up with her magic pins!!!!

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Big Kristen...

When I was younger, my babysitter’s name was also Kristen. When you are about four-years-old and you share the same name as your babysitter, it pretty much rocks your world. Well…at least it rocked mine.

When she was around, my family referred to her “Big Kristen” and I was “Little Kristen.” (You know...because it was so difficult to tell the difference between us.) To me, "Big Kristen" was perfect. She was smart, pretty, and fun to play with. I wanted to be just like her when I grew up.

The other day, when I was talking to my friend, Mike, we started chatting about our upcoming 10 year high school reunion and how much I've changed since then. My surgery is a common topic for us, and I always feel really comfortable talking to him about my weight loss. Suddenly, he said something that really caught me off guard.

“Ya know,” he said, “I don’t even remember big Kristen…”

I had no idea how to feel about that. I was finally referred to as “Big Kristen”….but not in the way I expected almost 25 years ago. Several things darted through my mind. Have I really changed that much? Is this a good thing? Am I so different that my former self has disappeared? I mean…was there anything wrong with being “Big Kristen?”

Throughout the process of shrinking my body, I have done a lot of growing as a person. And I have crossed a few things off my bucket list. But am I really a completely different person?

When I got home, I really thought about it. After awhile, I finally decided that I am basically still the same person that I was before my surgery. The difference is that I am finally sharing some of the parts of my personality that I have kept hidden for so long. Sure, I have a lot more confidence now. And my confidence is real. Not just a smoke show to hide my insecurities. I want to try different things, go on adventures, and jump out of planes. And I think “Big Kristen" wanted to do those things too, but she just couldn’t.

I’m not changing who I am as much as I am evolving as a person. I get to keep the best parts of myself and improve on things that will only make me a better person. Not a different one.

So, I realized that there was nothing wrong with being “Big Kristen.” In fact, she was pretty darn awesome. But, being “Little Kristen” again is really awesome, too. And there's nothing wrong with that!

Friday, August 20, 2010

Proof I can fly!

The video and pictures of my skydive came in the mail yesterday. It is legitimately the best $90 I have spent on anything. Ever.

I’m still not completely comfortable with seeing myself on video. It only takes me about a nanosecond to zone in on all of the flaws that I continue to worry about. I have always been overly critical of myself, but I can’t seem to shake the feeling that everyone else thinks and sees the same things I do. :: ugh ::....I really need to knock it off.

But here is my video. It's proof that I actually can fly!

I know I said it a million times in my last post, but skydiving was an amazing time! Despite all the nervousness, I would totally jump again in a heartbeat. Maybe I can get some of you to come with me next time?!?

Here are some of the pictures they took for me, as well. Enjoy!

When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return. ~Leonardo Da Vinci

Friday, August 13, 2010

I'm like a bird...

Today, my mom told me I eat like a bird. I find this hysterical.

Especially, since I feel like I have been eating everything in sight in the past week or so. I have been hungrier than I have felt in a looong time. This worried me a bit, but my doctor told me this might happen…so I've been doing the best that I could with it, kept going to the gym, and anxiously awaited the consequences. Despite all my fears, a couple of days ago I got on the scale and voila!

I broke the 200 lb mark.

For the first time since I can even remember, I weigh in the 190s. So, I did what any normal blog writing girl would do. I grabbed my camera and got proof.

This is a HUGE achievement for me. I needed to celebrate. But, I was getting quite tired of rewarding myself by buying clothes that I grow out of in 4 weeks. I had no idea what else to do. God works in mysterious ways, though. When he knew I wouldn’t expect it, he put the solution right in my face.

I seriously have an addiction to roller coasters, thrill rides, and the such. But these rides can be a bit nerve wracking when you are a larger person. Mostly it’s because of the involvement of some sort of strap or harnesses that may or may not fit around you.

In what I can only imagine as an experience that would cause me to want to crawl under a rock and die, I have seen the way the people who are running the ride react to someone who doesn’t fit into the straps. After waiting for god knows how long to ride and struggling with the small straps, the “non fitter” is made to get out of their seat in front of everyone and do the walk of shame out the back door. Everyone stares. It’s horrifying.

Because of this fear, I haven’t been on a thrill ride in really long time. And recently, as I’m getting smaller, I have just been jonesin’ for an adrenaline rush. So, while out at dinner with my friend, Noreen, she mentioned she was going skydiving with her cousin, Ashley, and our other friend, Kate. She casually invited me. And I said the first thing that came into my head.

Count me in.

I have always waned to sky dive…but I have always weighed too much. If I could even squeeze myself into the harness, I feared plummeting to the earth while dragging some poor soul (who anxiously strapped themselves to me) to an unfortunate and depressing death. SPLAT! So, before I gave my down payment, I checked the website. And I am 30 pounds below the weight limit.


In order to feed my crave for adrenaline and after some severe nervousness, I got in a plane and jumped…at 10,000 feet (or 2 miles) in the air! Freefalling at 120mph through the clouds over gorgeous Cape Cod was the most amazing thing I have ever done! It makes every drop of blood, sweat, and tears I have had to go through in the past 7 months absolutely worth it!!!

So, yes...my mother was right. Today, I WAS like a bird, but in more ways than one!

I paid for the edited video of my jump and should get it in a few weeks along with the professional photos. As soon as I do, I will share! Until then, enjoy some of these still shots thanks to Mike, who came to make sure I didn’t chicken out!

Friday, August 6, 2010

Tucked in...

I am always running late.

All my friends know this about me. And the ones closest to me tend to handle the situation pretty well. But no one does this better than my friend Mike.

Poor Mike arrives at my house generally 20-30 minutes before he actually intends to go anywhere with me…just to make sure I’m ready on time. And even if I’m not, he doesn’t get upset. In short…he’s a saint.

Well, Mike and I went to Martha’s Vineyard today, and I was running late as usual. I had meant to wash a cute little tank top that morning to wear out that day, but alas…because I went to the gym beforehand- I was running late...and I forgot to wash it. The amount of cute AND clean clothing I had to choose from was minimal. I literally put on the first clean tank top I could find. And I did something I had never done before.

I tucked it in.

I know this seems quite normal to some people, but when you are fat, you tend to wear the longest, most baggy things to hide your “poochy pouch.” (aka “gunt”…aka "pannis"…) Most days, I would have worn a shirt down to my knees. But, honestly, If you have a "poochy pouch", hiding it becomes a full time job. Tucking in your shirt is just counter productive.

But the “tuck in” worked...I looked cute…and the rest is history.

The only unfortunate part of the trip was the crabby waitress who gave me attitude about ordering off the children's menu. It was the first time that had happened to me…ever! She didn’t make me show my doctor’s note, but I totally threatened her with it.

Seriously...waitstaff of the world...don't mess with me.

Despite this grumpy waitress, our day was perfect. And I spent the entire day...comfortably "tucked in!"

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Illegally blonde...

I take a lot of pride in my hair…as evidenced by the number of posts I put up about it. I can only imagine that when you all read this, you think “Shut up about your hair already! We get it! You are obsessed!”

But alas…I continue….

My hair needed to be colored soooo badly, but I had been waiting because I didn’t want to add any unnecessary stress to it. My plan was to try and wait until September to have my hair cut and colored again. But, in the past few weeks, I’ve really noticed that slowly but surely has not only has my hair decreased in falling out, but has actually started to grow back. Now, I am left with this really weird sort of “halo” of baby hairs around my head…all the same length. (I promise, it was not attractive and very difficult to hide...) Upon realizing this new development, I couldn’t hold back the urge anymore…so I made a hair appointment.

Today, I went to my salon and saw one of my favorite people on the planet: Toby, my hairstylist. The last time I saw him had to be at least 40-50 pounds ago so, when I walked up to his chair I received the best greeting ever!

“GIIIIIIRL!!! Oh.My.God. You look so gooooood!”

Seriously…I love him.

After discussing the weird halo situation, and taking into account my sister’s wedding coming up in 4 weeks or so, we decided the best solution would be some cute wispy bangs. He said that this would really help hide the wispy hairs in the front that are driving me absolutely bananas.

He did a gorgeous color job and I am so happy to be blonde again! YAY!