There is something about going out to dinner with a group and sitting next to an empty place setting, that makes you feel really alone. And last night, that’s exactly what happened to me.
When I was bigger, I never really had a boyfriend. And I guess I never really expected to. When people asked me if I was seeing anyone, I would tell them just how hard it was to meet someone while going to an all women’s college. Or how working in a female dominated profession didn’t really make it any easier.
It wasn’t like I didn’t try. Eharmony? Match.com? oh yes…I sure did. But after meeting a few bad eggs, I didn't renew my subscription.
Despite the excuses I gave, deep down inside I felt that my size was what was really holding me back from meeting someone great. I understood that looks had a lot to do with the process. Whether right or wrong, I felt being a bigger person made a bad first impression.
To be honest, more than once I even tried lowering my standards. Yeah…you can imagine how well that turned out.
So, I took last year to focus on getting my life and myself together. And now that I’m more average sized and with the same personality and even better assets, I thought things would be way easier for me. But alas, I am surprised on how difficult meeting someone remains. And as I watch my friends get married and have babies, I feel like I’m running out of time. My birthday is 4 weeks from today…and I will be the ripe old age of 29.
When people tell me that I’m “quite the catch” and that I’ll “meet someone when I’m not looking”….I totally want to smack them upside the head. No offense, as I’m sure some of you were already thinking it.
Honestly, I would like to know when someone in my position ISN’T looking?!?! I mean seriously. My radar is ALWAYS on.
So, my real question is, was it that people never really cared how I looked? Was it who I was as a person that turned people off? Or is it that my standards are too high? Honestly, I don’t know…and if I think about it anymore, I’m going to need a glass of wine. But what I do know is that as November looms just a few days away, I have to start to comprehend the thought of spending the holiday season as a single person…again.
So here I am, wearing my cute new dress last night. Will I meet someone someday? I sure hope so! But until then, I'm just a single white female...lookin' for love…and someone to sit next to her at dinner!