Last weekend I went to my 10 year high school reunion.
Yes, I am that old.
But as old as it made me feel, I was excited to show off the new me. I skipped the 5yr reunion because I had put on almost 60 pounds. I wanted to go, but I was embarrassed of my weight gain. But now, with a lot of hard work, my weight is now 40-50 pounds less than It was when I was in high school.
So…Bring it on.
Although some of my closest high school friends were unable to attended (I retain the right to refer to you guys as “LAME” until you show yourselves at the 15yr) it was really nice to catch up with some people I haven’t seen in ages and see what everyone has been up to.
Well…to be honest…I kind of knew what everyone was up to. Most of us constantly stalk each other on Facebook. But we exchanged pleasantries and pretended that we didn’t know every little detail that was going on in each other’s lives. Strange how times have changed…but all in all, it was a really nice event. And being there really made me think about how different I am now from when I was in high school.
There are some people who are fat and happy. But, that was not me at all. Being fat in high school has to be one of the cruelest punishments one can endure. Not because I was made fun of or made to feel uncomfortable, but because of the things I missed out on.
In high school, I didn’t have a boyfriend. Or a prom “date.” I distinctly remember being MORTIFIED that my prom dress was a size 20. It was the biggest size they had in the store and it barely fit me. I went to my prom with a friend because the stress of potentially going alone was unbearable. I felt like I was lucky to even find someone willing to go with me.
I remember every birthday wish, every fallen eyelash, every penny found….I would wish to be skinny. I wanted to wear cute clothes and to not cry in gym class. I would lay in bed at night and bargain with myself saying “tomorrow, I will start to walk on the treadmill…everyday…and I’ll only eat salad….everyday.” But by the morning, I would inevitably fall back into my old habits and my weight stayed on. Or went up.
Don’t get me wrong, though. I have really fond memories of high school! Singing in various choirs…drama….and some GREAT shenanigans with my friends. (most of them involving my gray 1989 Ford Taurus…jealous much?...) I just think they may have been a little “fonder” if I hadn’t been embarrassed of how big I was…all the time.
After talking to people for a little while at reunion, I really started to think about what I had accomplished in the past 10 years. I realized I’m in a really good place. I look great. I feel great. And I know I have some great times coming to me in the future.
So when I left the reunion, I felt happy. It was great to see my friends, and it was great to see how far I had come in my life. But, despite all that….I still feel old.