I love when people comment on my blog. It’s just the coolest thing ever. Every time one of you comments on here, I get sent an e-mail. And I literally get friggin' giddy every time I see one.
Last Sunday, I was at a party with some old friends. (AND my new boyfriend, Chris...but more on him later!) As I casually checked my e-mail on my phone, I noticed that someone commented on my blog. And randomly it was on this one, from last June, where I wrote about my first bathing suit shopping experience “post-op.”
I was excited, so I quickly opened it and this is what I saw:
All the insecurities and frustrations that the “fat girl” inside of me used to feel all the time came rushing back with those three little words. I lost my breath. My heart started to race. And I didn’t quite know what to do. So, I pulled myself together. I put my phone away, poured myself another glass of wine, and went back to the party….deciding to continue to have a good time and not think about it again until we left.
I think that when you write a blog and open your thoughts to the public, you have to be prepared for criticism. I have been and have dealt with it pretty well, not only on here, but in person as well. Up until now, this criticism has been constructive…and polite. So, I guess this comment just threw me for a loop.
But only for about 3 seconds.
Sure, I was bigger in that post than I am now, but at that point in my recovery, I had worked really hard to get into that bathing suit. I was proud of myself. And I refuse to let “Anonymous” make me feel anything less. Certainly not with those three little words.
Was I fat back then? Maybe.
Am I "still" fat? No, I don’t think so.
Today, I am happy, healthy, and think I look really good in “skinny jeans.” I weight 172lbs….and have lost 129lbs. I wear a size 8-10…from a size 24-26. I work out 3 days a week and even though I can eat almost anything, I’m still really careful. No one can take this away from me.
When I got in the car after leaving the party, I talked to Chris about what happened. After reassuring me that I was indeed beautiful, he said something that made a lot of sense. “Some people are just stupid…and you can’t fix stupid.” He’s just the greatest.
So, Anonymous…thank you for your comment. It made me realize that, although I am still insecure at times, I have come a long way and I am not as constantly worried about what the world thinks of me. This is a huge step forward for me, so I am even more proud of myself.
You think I’m “still fat”...Good for you.
I think I’m fabulous...inside AND out. We’ll just have to agree to disagree.