One of the things I really miss is my relationship with food.
And when I say relationship, I really mean it. As a single, occasionally lonely fat girl, food was my companion...my life partner...my significant other. I was head over heels IN LOVE with my food. I loved buying it…I loved cooking it…and I especially loved eating it. Everything about my food gave me that warm fuzzy feeling I had when coming home from school to a plate of warm chocolate chip cookies. I was addicted to that happy feeling and I was like any other addict…eating to try to relive that high over and over again.
My whole life has revolved around eating. So, going on my pre-op diet was the first step in my break-up with food. I was allowed one low cal “real meal” with 3 protein replacement meals a day…absolute torture. I remember sitting at work with my head in my hands looking at all the different cakes, cookies, and candy…beckoning for my affection.
But once I was post-op (and drinking my protein drink one medicine cup at a time) I really had to cut all ties with food. I thought…oh god…what have I done. My friend…my comfort, my companion…is gone. Once I got home, I cried….a lot.
But, after all the tears and with the support of my friends and family, I have started to re-evaluate my relationship with food. I’m starting to realize I don’t need food to be happy…but I do need it to live. So, now that my diet has been advanced and I am allowed to eat limited solid foods, I will let food back into my life…on my terms.
So I wrote a letter to my food…to invite it back…and to keep it in line…
I miss you. But I had to let you go because I just couldn’t take your abuse anymore. My problem is…I can’t live without you.
I remember the last time we were really together. It was with that delicious tons-of-fun burger at the cheesecake factory. (one of our favorite places to be together) Yes, it was incredible…as it had been many times before. But I have to admit; I knew it was our last meeting. Unfortunately, I really had NO IDEA what my life would be like without you.
I’m trying to fill your place in my life with someone else. Protein. He is sweet…but boring and very predictable. When I’m with him, I sometimes think of you…and I know that he can never live up to the passion we once shared.
So I’ve decided to allow you into my life again. But this time, I want things to be different. This time, I just want to be friends. You can’t be the focus of my life anymore. The passion is gone…and I want it to stay that way.